Quick answer: No, men did not originally go to baby showers. In North America the baby shower took shape in the early 1900s as a women's party, and Emily Post's 1937 etiquette book described a "stork shower" for "intimate girl and women friends." Co-ed "Jack and Jill" showers came later. Today, the parents decide who is invited.
Did Men Originally Go to Baby Showers?
No. The earliest etiquette descriptions of the North American baby shower describe a party for women. When Emily Post first published Etiquette in 1922, she did not mention the baby shower at all. By her 1937 edition, she described it in one line: "A stork shower is always given in the early afternoon and only intimate girl and women friends of the mother invited." That quote comes from a HuffPost essay, "Baby Showers, Now and Then," which notes that historians date the baby shower to the 1930s for exactly this reason.
Two details are worth being precise about:
- "Originally" depends on the tradition. The modern shower is a 20th-century North American custom. Other cultures have their own birth celebrations with different guest lists. A study of baby showers in Gaborone, Botswana, published in the journal Gender Studies, notes that at the traditional celebration held after a birth (mantsho a ngwana), "both men and women attend."
- Nobody can give an exact year men started attending. You'll often see "the 1970s" or "the 1980s" quoted online without a source. We couldn't find a reputable source that supports a specific start date, so we don't repeat one here. What the record does show is that co-ed showers were already happening by 1995, when an academic journal published a study about them (more on that below).
Where Did Baby Showers Come From?
The baby shower as we know it is a 20th-century custom, but women were giving gifts to celebrate pregnancy and birth centuries earlier. Historian Ray Ball, writing for the history site Nursing Clio, explains that the U.S. shower is "largely a creation of twentieth-century consumerism," yet "women exchanged gifts to celebrate pregnancy and births long before the term 'shower' came into use in the late nineteenth century."
Many websites trace the baby shower back to ancient Egypt or Greece. Those claims usually come with no source, and the historians cited in this article describe the shower itself as a modern custom. Here is the timeline the sources support:
| When | What happened | Who attended | Source |
|---|---|---|---|
| 16th century | Elite women in Italy and Spain gave trays, bowls and chests to celebrate pregnancy and birth | Women, giving to kin, friends and associates | Nursing Clio |
| Colonial America | Women held "birthing parties" in the home of the pregnant woman | Women | HuffPost essay |
| Late 1800s | The word "shower" comes into use | n/a | Nursing Clio |
| Early 1900s | Giving many gifts to a mother-to-be emerges in middle- and upper-class American families | Women | HuffPost essay |
| 1922 and 1927 | Emily Post's Etiquette does not mention the baby shower | n/a | HuffPost essay |
| 1937 | Post describes the "stork shower," held in the early afternoon | "Intimate girl and women friends of the mother" | HuffPost essay, quoting Post |
| 1940s | Hospital births rise and showers grow more popular | Women | HuffPost essay |
| Post-World War II | The shower becomes "an established rite of passage" | Women | HuffPost essay |
| 1995 | A journal study looks at behavior at "coed" wedding and baby showers | Men and women | Communication Reports |
| 2016 | CBC reports on "dadchelor parties" for fathers-to-be | Mostly men | CBC News |
| Today | Showers are held for couples, adoptive parents and parents expecting through surrogacy | Whoever the parents invite | The Emily Post Institute |
Why did baby showers take off in the 1940s?
Because birth moved out of the home. The HuffPost essay explains that "as home births declined and hospital births increased by the 1940s," and as "religious rituals of child baptism became more private," a party before the birth became more popular. By the post-war years, the shower was standard for many expectant mothers in the U.S.
Why is it called a "shower"?
The name describes what guests do: they "shower" the parents-to-be with gifts and support. The Emily Post Institute puts it this way: the term "comes from the idea of friends and family 'showering' soon to be parents with love, support and often gifts."
Why Were Baby Showers Women-Only for So Long?
The shower grew out of women's networks around pregnancy and birth, and for most of the 20th century those networks did not include men. The evidence shows up in several places:
- The guest list was written into etiquette. Post's 1937 description limits the party to "intimate girl and women friends of the mother."
- Earlier birth customs were run by women. The colonial "birthing parties" described in the HuffPost essay were gatherings of women in the expectant mother's home.
- Fathers had a different role around birth. Nora Spinks, then CEO of the Vanier Institute of the Family, told CBC News in 2016: "This is the first generation where dads are actively involved in labour, delivery and childbirth."
- The habit stuck. Montreal author Kenny Bodanis told CBC: "Baby showers for a long time, up until recently, have always been sort of geared towards the women."
No law kept men out. The custom started as a women's event, and changing it took a change in how families share parenting.
When Did Co-Ed Baby Showers Start?
There's no reliable start date, but co-ed baby showers were already taking place by the mid-1990s. In 1995, the journal Communication Reports published a study by Dawn O. Braithwaite titled "Ritualized embarrassment at 'coed' wedding and baby showers." The study observed men and women at these parties and looked at how men handled being teased by other guests. A study like this shows co-ed showers were already part of the social calendar, even if nobody recorded the first one.
Several shifts help explain why men joined in:
- Fathers are more involved. CBC cited a 2010 survey of 1,000 Canadian fathers by Today's Parent, in which 75 percent said they're more involved with their children than their own fathers were.
- More dads stay home. CBC also reported that, according to Statistics Canada, the share of stay-at-home dads rose from two percent to 11 percent over 40 years.
- Showers are no longer only for mothers. The Emily Post Institute says a shower "may be held not only for a pregnant mother, but also for a couple who is expecting," for parents expecting through surrogacy, and for families adopting a baby, toddler or older child.
What is a Jack and Jill baby shower?
A Jack and Jill shower is a co-ed baby shower: one party where men and women celebrate the parents together. The HuffPost essay uses the same name for the move "from a women's celebration to a gender-mixed one." Most co-ed showers follow the usual shower format (food, gifts, sometimes games) with a guest list built around the couple's friends and family rather than just the mother's.
What is a dadchelor party?
A dadchelor party (also called a "man shower" or "diaper party") is a separate celebration for the father-to-be, usually hosted by his friends. CBC described a 2012 video in which friends surprised a dad-to-be with beer, diapers and a six-foot sandwich. CBC also reported that Pinterest posts about "man showers" or "dadchelor parties" were "up almost 150 per cent since 2015."
A dadchelor party is a second event, not a replacement for a co-ed shower, and not everyone is a fan. Bodanis told CBC he dislikes the name because it borrows from the bachelor party. Syndicated etiquette columnist Miss Manners has also criticized "diaper party" invitations that ask a large group of guests to bring diapers, writing that what was once a small gathering of close friends "has grown into a monstrous imposition." Her complaint was about turning an invitation into a gift request, not about men celebrating fatherhood.
Who Is Invited to a Baby Shower Today?
Today the guest of honor decides, and etiquette no longer limits the list to women: the Emily Post Institute says a shower can be held for "a couple who is expecting." The Emily Post Institute advises hosts to get the honoree's input "on the guest list, the refreshments, and of course the gift registry." If the parents want a co-ed shower, invite men. If the mother-to-be wants a women-only party, that's equally acceptable.
Here's how the main etiquette questions have changed, based on guidance from the Emily Post Institute:
| Question | Traditional practice | Etiquette today |
|---|---|---|
| Who hosts? | Close friends, cousins, aunts, sisters-in-law or co-workers; immediate family hosting "appeared self-serving" | Anyone can host "as long as there's a legitimate reason," such as family hosting for parents who live far from their hometown |
| Who is invited? | Women friends of the mother (1937) | The honoree's choice; keep the list close, with "no more than around 20-30 guests tops" |
| Are men invited? | No | If the parents want a co-ed shower; showers can also be held for "a couple who is expecting" |
| When is it held? | Before the birth | Usually "four to six weeks before the baby's due date," or a few weeks after the birth |
| Invitations | Printed and mailed | Paper or digital, sent three to six weeks ahead, with RSVP contact details |
| Registry | Not used for showers | Now "not just appropriate but almost necessary," though guests can still choose their own gift |
| Second baby? | Often assumed to be for a first baby only | A smaller "sprinkle" or a "sip n' see" to meet the baby |
| Thank-you notes | Required | Still required for every gift; don't ask guests to address their own envelopes |
Who is supposed to host a baby shower?
Traditionally, a close friend or relative outside the immediate family hosted, because a shower centers on gifts and a mother or sister hosting could look self-serving. The Emily Post Institute now says "it is appropriate for anyone to host a baby shower, as long as there's a legitimate reason." Co-hosts are fine, and the Institute says you can hold separate family, friends and work showers with different hosts.
When should a baby shower be held?
Most showers happen four to six weeks before the due date, according to the Emily Post Institute, which gives parents time to see what they still need. Some couples prefer to wait until a few weeks after the birth.
Can you have a virtual baby shower?
Yes. The Emily Post Institute calls adding a video call for relatives and friends who live too far away "a win-win." If you host a virtual shower or add a virtual option, set clear expectations ahead of time and ask guests not to forward the call link.
How do you plan a co-ed shower everyone enjoys?
Ask the parents first, then plan around what they like. A few practical tips:
- Treat games as optional. The Emily Post Institute notes that "many honorees and guests alike do not care for shower games," so ask the parents whether they want any. Group-friendly options, like guessing baby photos or writing advice cards, let shy guests take part without being put on the spot.
- Match the food to the honoree. The Institute's advice is to serve what the guests of honor ask for, even if that means fried chicken and pizza, and to ask whether they'd like alcohol served or a "dry" party.
- Plan for gift opening. The Institute estimates it can last 30 to 60 minutes for 30 guests, so build that time into the schedule or keep the guest list short.
Do Men Bring a Gift to a Baby Shower?
Yes, every guest who attends brings a gift, whatever their gender. The Emily Post Institute says a shower invitation "comes with the obligation of a gift if the guest attends." A couple attending together can give one joint gift. The Institute also notes that declining a shower invitation doesn't carry the obligation to send a gift.
What Are Good Baby Shower Gifts?
Start with the registry, then choose clothing in a size the baby will grow into. The Emily Post Institute says "baby clothes and crib linens are the most common shower presents," and adds that a registry is not "marching orders," so off-registry gifts are welcome.
For a deeper look at outfits by occasion, see our baby clothes gift guide. The categories below focus on what works for a shower, when the baby often hasn't arrived yet.
What size should you buy for a baby who isn't born yet?
Buy one size ahead, and think about the season the baby will be wearing it. Newborns grow out of their first sizes quickly, and parents often receive plenty of newborn pieces. A 3-6M or 6-12M outfit gets more wear. Check the due date, too: a heavy knit in a size the baby reaches in summer may never get worn. Our baby clothing size guide explains how months-based sizes work, and you can read how many newborn footies parents actually need before you add another.
Are baby gift sets a good shower gift?
Yes, a matched set is easy to give and easy for parents to use. A few options at Jenni Kidz:
- Mayoral 3 Piece Gift Set (balloon print): Mayoral lists a white footed sleeper with a balloon animal print, a knot hat and a bib, made from 95% cotton and 5% elastane, in months-based sizes up to 12M.
- Mayoral 3 Piece Gift Set (blue trim): the same three-piece format, with a giraffe, elephant and crocodile print and a blue-cuffed hat.
- Mayoral Newborn 3-Piece Knit Set: Mayoral lists an oatmeal knit sweater with pink cuffs, pink footed pants and a knit hat with a small bow, all in 100% cotton.
More matched outfits are in baby girl sets, baby boy sets and the full Mayoral collection. These Mayoral sets come in small quantities per size, so check the product page for the size you want.
Which everyday one-pieces do parents use most?
Zip-up rompers and footies (also called footed sleepers) make diaper changes quicker, which matters more to new parents than a special outfit:
- Kyte Baby Zippered Romper in Blush Butterfly: Kyte Baby lists 97% bamboo rayon and 3% spandex, a zipper from the collar down one leg, and footless legs.
- Kyte Baby Zippered Romper in Dolphin: the same zippered romper style in white with blue dolphins and navy sea turtles.
- L'ovedbaby Organic Polo Footie in Abyss Dots: L'ovedbaby lists 100% organic cotton, a polo collar, a snap placket and closed feet. It works as a size-up gift for a baby who will be several months old.
See more styles in baby girl one-pieces, baby boy one-pieces, Kyte Baby and L'ovedbaby. If you're packing for the birth itself, our newborn hospital outfit guide covers what to bring.
Is a sleep sack a good baby shower gift?
Yes. A sleep sack (a wearable blanket) is a practical gift because pediatric groups advise against loose blankets in a baby's sleep space. The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) says: "Keep soft objects & loose bedding out of your baby's sleep area," and adds: "If you're worried about your baby getting cold, you can dress them in layers of clothing or use a wearable blanket." The Canadian Paediatric Society (CPS) says "babies do not need blankets when they sleep" and advises: "If you use a sleep sack, make sure it is the right size for your baby."
So for a newborn, buy the size that fits now (0/6 months for the styles below) rather than sizing up. Two options from Deux par Deux:
- Deux par Deux Plush Sleep Sack Off-White: Deux par Deux lists a sleeveless design with a polyester plush outer, a 100% cotton lining, a full-length zipper and heart and flower embroidery, in sizes starting at 0/6 months.
- Deux par Deux Organic Cotton Sleep Sack Beige Animal Print: Deux par Deux lists an organic cotton outer with a cotton lining, shoulder snaps and a full-length zipper, printed with bears and foxes.
Compare all styles in baby sleep sacks, and read our guide on when babies can sleep with a blanket for the age guidance.
What should you give for a winter baby?
For a fall or winter baby in Canada or the northern U.S., outerwear for walks gets used right away. Check each brand's size note first:
- Deux par Deux Baby Mid-Season Plush One-Piece: the product page lists mid-season plush outerwear for cool days, with a hood with animal ears and built-in mittens and footies, in sizes starting at 3 months.
- Deux par Deux Baby Original One-Piece Puffy Snowsuit: Deux par Deux lists a -30°C (-22°F) rating, a fleece lining, removable fleece-lined mittens and booties and a neckwarmer, in sizes starting at 6 months. The brand notes this snow suit "fits generously; sizing up is not recommended."
Browse baby girl snowsuits and baby boy snowsuits, and use our guide to choosing a snowsuit size as a gift before you order. For layering under outerwear, see how to dress an infant in winter.
What if you don't know the size or style the parents like?
Give a gift card. The Jenni Kidz digital gift card can include an optional personal message, and you can send it to yourself or straight to the parents. It's also an easy gift for long-distance and virtual shower guests.
Which gift fits which situation?
| Gift type | Good choice when | Sizing tip |
|---|---|---|
| Gift set | You want one finished present to unwrap | Pick a size the baby will wear 2–4 months from now |
| Zip-up romper or footie | Parents want practical, everyday pieces | One size ahead gets more wear |
| Sleep sack | Parents want bedtime basics | Choose the size that fits now; don't size up |
| Snowsuit or plush one-piece | The baby arrives in fall or winter | Follow the brand's size note |
| Gift card | You don't know the size, sex or style | No sizing needed |
Should you include a gift receipt?
Yes. Sizes and seasons are hard to predict before a birth, so a gift receipt or a note about exchanges helps the parents. Leave the tags on, and point them to the store's refund and exchange policy and shipping policy if you're shipping the gift directly. If you're also shopping for a first birthday or the holidays, our clothing gift ideas for 1-year-olds cover the next stage.
Frequently Asked Questions
Did men originally go to baby showers?
No. The North American baby shower began in the early 1900s as a women's party. Emily Post's 1937 etiquette book described a "stork shower" for "intimate girl and women friends" of the mother. Co-ed showers that include men came later.
When did co-ed baby showers start?
No reliable source gives an exact year. Co-ed showers were already taking place by the mid-1990s: a 1995 study in the journal Communication Reports looked at behavior at "coed" wedding and baby showers.
What is a Jack and Jill baby shower?
A Jack and Jill shower is a co-ed baby shower that celebrates both parents with a guest list of men and women. It usually follows the normal shower format, with food, gifts and optional games.
What is a dadchelor party?
A dadchelor party, also called a man shower or diaper party, is a separate celebration for the father-to-be, usually hosted by his friends. CBC News reported on the trend in 2016.
Who is supposed to host a baby shower?
Traditionally a close friend or relative outside the immediate family hosted. The Emily Post Institute now says anyone can host a baby shower as long as there's a legitimate reason, such as family hosting for parents who live far from their hometown.
Do male guests bring a gift to a baby shower?
Yes. The Emily Post Institute says a shower invitation comes with the obligation of a gift if the guest attends, whatever their gender. A couple attending together can give one joint gift.
When should a baby shower be held?
The Emily Post Institute says showers are usually held four to six weeks before the due date. Some parents prefer a shower a few weeks after the birth.
What size clothes should I buy for a baby shower gift?
Buy one size ahead, such as 3-6M or 6-12M, and match it to the season the baby will wear it. Sleep sacks are the exception: choose the size that fits the baby now.
Bottom Line
Men did not originally go to baby showers. The custom started as a women's party in the early 20th century, and co-ed showers came decades later as fathers became more involved. Today the guest list belongs to the parents, and the etiquette is the same for everyone: RSVP, bring a gift, and let the parents enjoy the day.
Sources
- HuffPost: Baby Showers, Now and Then
- Nursing Clio: Going Baroque for Babies (Ray Ball, 2019)
- Communication Reports: Ritualized embarrassment at "coed" wedding and baby showers (Braithwaite, 1995)
- Gender Studies: Botho/Ubuntu and Community-Building in Gaborone Baby Showers
- CBC News: Men get in on baby showers with 'dadchelor party' trend (2016)
- Houston Chronicle: Miss Manners: Diaper party is beyond the pail
- The Emily Post Institute: Hosting a Baby Shower
- The Emily Post Institute: Baby Showers: Welcoming the New Baby
- The Emily Post Institute: Baby Showers: Who Hosts?
- The Emily Post Institute: Baby Shower: Top Etiquette Questions
- The Emily Post Institute: Baby Shower: Party Timing & Invitation Advice
- The Emily Post Institute: Baby Shower Gifts and Registries
- American Academy of Pediatrics (HealthyChildren.org): sleep guidance for babies
- Canadian Paediatric Society (Caring for Kids): sleep guidance for babies
Product details in this article come from the Jenni Kidz product pages and the brands' listings. Sizes and availability change; check each product page before you order.
